24 things we have learnt from nollywood
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got this from laspapi.blogspot.com
just check this out and you'll find yourself laughing. it really rings home. our movie industry needs to improve. well, thank God Tinapa has been completed. probably, that studio will do something to help.
1. Every problem you have is spiritual.
2. In every romance movie, someone must die.
3. It is possible to hit a person without actually touching them!
4. Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately.
5. Poisoned food always tastes better.
6. The best way to make money is by visiting a 'Babalawo' and give an offering of a relative or close friend, sleep with an 'arizto' or join a cult. One movie I watched, a guy gave his mother's heart. Very disgusting.
7. One of a pair of twins (identical or not) is born evil.
8. There is never an end to your suffering, except through death!
9. With a pastor ... all things are possible.
10. A movie can be titled anything... such as:
*The boy is mine,
* Face me, I face you
*Two rats,
*Spanner
*Calculator
*Igala
*Ijele
*Igodo
*Igudu
*Shigidi
11. A movie has not started if at least one actor or actress has not 'shelled' or twisted her lips and rolled her eyeballs.
12. You are in love... you want to take your girl out, the best place you take her to is...
*Mr. Biggs/Tantalizers: where you'll most probably see an ex while
feeding each other.
*The beach: where it is imperative that you ride a donkey and carry her playfully.
*Or the best: take her to buy some new clothes
13. Rita Dominic is the main character of every new movie. There's no escaping her these days, be it she's a great actress, she's hard to avoid.
14. Gun shots and knock-outs sound the same!
15. Sometimes the title has absolutely nothing to do with the movie and other times, once you read the title and see the poster you know it all!!! (Also the soundtrack gives you a headache because it just narrates the whole story repeatedly - so much for suspense and intrigue!)
16. A love story has not been produced if it does not have one or two
of the following actresses-
* Stella Damascus Aboderin
* Stephanie Okereke
* Genevieve Nnaji
* Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde
* Rita Dominic
17. The police are extremely 'efficient' unlike their counterparts in
real life.
18. An actress can wear the same hairdo for more than a year and even
in longer flashbacks.
19. It is permissible to wear dark shades at night!
20. When you are shot in the chest, it really doesn't matter; your head will be bandaged! Same for your legs!
21. When advertising a movie, you really should shout because... people
are deaf?
22. When you are extremely poor, you will still be able to afford- very good furniture, T.V., but you won't be able to send your kids to school.
23. Especially in Yoruba movies, your gateman must be inefficient and comical. He MUST dress like a retard, be rude to all your visitors and never mind his business.
24. The bad guy either dies or gets caught by the police. -
lol...i feel u and it is soo true especially names of movies
10. A movie can be titled anything... such as:
*The boy is mine,
* Face me, I face you
*Two rats,
*Spanner
*Calculator
*Igala
*Ijele
*Igodo
*Igudu
*Shigidi -
here's one:
if the scene is in the living room. the tv must be a widescreen & on... but with the volume on mute...
haha. EVERY movie has that. it's so annoyin -
changing the name will still expose our inability to use our brain, because the few people who will be having the chance to do tht will also want to plagiarize. the most you can expect from them will simply be
hollyplank or hollyplstic
since that is HOLLYWOOD
or you get things like
sinfultree
sinfulwood
abeg let just forget about the name and try changing the content if not it will still be thesame sheep in different clothing -
@murtala
the problem at hand, i maintain, is not the name but what we are naming
hope you've not forgotting the NEPA-PHCN saga.
so what are we re-naming?
is it the silver package of nudity or the man must wack pranks on CDS.
you must have a good defination of what you call the root, mr murry. i belive something was on ground before the naming, isn't it?
please, the root is not the name but the substance.
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- allman June 2007
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